Girls and Game

Game as we know it today is the reserve of guys who reek of desperation. Every once in a while, though, they’ll let on that actually, they learned it from us. To which we’re left scratching our heads thinking WTF?! The fact of the matter is, the cheesy type of game (peacocking, create intrigue, push-pull, blah blah) that clowns like Mystery champion is just a formally described methodology to mimic a women’s natural tendancy to be self-loving and capricious.

The women’s lib movement brought us a lot of freedom. Freedom to work, freedom to stop shaving our legs and checking our lipstick, freedom to travel and have our own hobbies. The freedom to forge our own paths; to be the actor rather than the acted upon. We’ve come a long way since women would rely on their charm and beauty to ensnare that stable provider to take care of them in perpetuity. But somehow, over time, women developed the misconception that men do not appreciate female moodiness, changeability, indecisiveness, and above all, our obsession with all things aesthetic (what I’m saying here is, our natural vanity!). This is way off base. It’s true that guys aren’t into shallow, insecure, clingy psycho bitches. But in relationships, men crave the kind of emotional liberation and balance they achieve by being with a woman who is achingly responsive to her surroundings, yet strong. A woman who is incredibly feminine and beautiful, but also self-aware and poised and pointedly not CRAZY.

These are challenging concepts to explain, but I’ll give it a shot.

An irresistable woman is aware of her power over men. She revels in the the knowledge that men find her attractive or at least fascinating and will take great care to enhance this effect through careful selection of clothing, makeup, hairstyle, and maintenance routine. She doesn’t do this out of fear that men will lose interest if she doesn’t, but from a deep personal satisfaction in knowing that she looks her best. In the morning, she dresses for herself. Maybe she’d like to dress a bit sexy today. Or sometimes be adorable, or innocent, or classic. Well, she’s always going to look a bit sexy regardless, since she approaches this with a playfulness that drives guys crazy. An irresistable woman is supremely confident, and even if she’s got a temporary case of the Capote mean reds, she knows that she’s awesome. This is why she’s never overdone. Why drown the lily in gilding? Plus, at some point, even the vainest women get bored of painting their nails and curling their hair – - and the irresistable woman does nothing that she doesn’t want to do, at least on some level. When an irresistable woman knows that she looks fantastic, men can sense this too. Okay yes, she also actually looks fantastic, but the point is this is 70% confidence alone, including the confidence to wear fresh-faced J.Crew from head to ankle, and then throw on a pair of fuck-me pumps to run to the grocery store. So generally, men LOVE vain women, but only when we’re vain for ourselves because we enjoy the pampering and self-love. Not when we shove it in their faces or spill our secret vanities all over the place.

A caveat: vanity can’t be your only focus. Obviously, there are things in life that are more important (education, work, family, friends) and you need to grow these areas as well. And really, if you’re at all intelligent and well-rounded, you should be naturally interested in all of the above. You can’t be one-dimensional. But you can’t neglect your natural tendency to preen a little bit.

Secondly, men love capricious women. One of the things that men consistantly rank as a hugely sexy attribute is a women’s ability to be mysterious. We think we agree, but what we actually want is a man who will be independent and yet dependable. A truly independent man is always slightly mysterious, since he’s got his own thing going on that doesn’t always include us, and certainly doesn’t revolve around us. The fact of the matter is, men are generally slow to really fall in love, and slow to really fall out of love, because they’re not as mood-driven. Women, on the other hand, can feel love or hate or digust or passion or be bored with or fascinated by a man in turns for no particular reason except she’s PMSing or whatever, and when she feels these things it’s often to the exclusion of the things that she felt just last week, or a month ago. At least, until the next mood strikes. Today, women have been trained to keep all these emotions dampened, to be reasonable. What men really want, is to live vicarously through our passions. Really, it’s not far off to say that all a guy needs to be pretty happy is a game on TV, a beer, and a blowjob. They never experience the heights, but they don’t experience the depths either. By living closer to the bone, women draw men out of their lonely, reasonable little islands, and allow them to feel passionately as well. When we’re happy, our mood is contagious and men delight in being drawn in. When we hate passionately, or are bored, they feel a passionate need to win our love again so that they can bask in the joyful, adorable, playful things we do when we’re happy. This is true whether we’re feeling deeply about a movie, a book, a place, or a person…. even a particular dish at our favorite restaurant … because then we feel alive and so do men. However, we shouldn’t talk endlessly about these feelings. The key is to ACT on them. This is what game has borrowed … call her less, fake disinterest, help create comfort, treat her like a sweet little girl to assert your dominance. Naturally, when we’re bored, we call a little bit less. We focus on other things. When we’re feeling interested, we listen avidly to every word a man says. When we’re feeling naughty or horny, we have crazy sex or loving sex, or whatever. When we’re not, we cut them off. This is a woman’s birthright, and something she does naturally. But (and this is important) throughout it all she’s still got her pride, so I am not approving of psycho meltdowns. If you’re feeling negatively, just stay away from him, unless you think he can make you feel better by being protective or offering a solution. Guys love feeling needed… sometimes. If it’s his fault, for God’s sake let the guy know in a way that maintains your dignity, and THEN stay away from him. Go do the other things that make you feel better instead.

Look, this shit totally fucks with a guy’s head, because he likes to think that he’s always in control. Not even close. He’s usually in control of his surroundings, but he can never be in control of his woman, because she’ll never be in full control of her emotions. This is the secret to a woman’s mystery. An irresistable woman with confidence and passion, but who is selective about the types of things that she shares and prefers to communicate subtly, through her actions (because hello, when did we lose all dignity in North America?) is an utterly mysterious and entrancing woman to these poor, simple men. Our allure lies nearly entirely in our femininity.

And, by the way, this is why French women are notoriously irresistible.